Saturday, December 6, 2008

A Funny thing happened in the BIG CITY

I'm like the John Mellencamp song...I was born in a small town, and I live in a small town. Really I mean SMALL. The town I grew up in had only 650 people in it, I live in a town of only about 18,000 people now.
It does have it's advantages. People know each other, were friendly, low crime rate, you know where everything is, and how to get there. you get the idea.
It also has some disadvantages. Like the fact that I AM A BIG CHICKEN ABOUT DRIVING IN BIG CITY TRAFFIC! It scares me to death. I dont know where anything is, and I dont know where I am going. I am just sure I will get lost, mugged, get in an accident, die. Panic attack coming on. Calm...Calm..... Breath, relax.
So today, my wonderful husband asked me to drive to Indianapolis, yeah Indy, to get some supplies for the business. Calm...calm......
After fighting the gps to get directions, and losing the battle,technology hates me. I printed out a map with directions. I can do this right?!?!?!? Breath, I wont die. I start out. Of course in a half panicy state because I am going to INDY and Lee said to go a different way than the directions. "it's shorter." I am an intelligent woman, I can figure out which way to go when I get there, Man up!
I made it, right up to the last 370 feet to be exact. There was some construction after the exit and I missed my turn into the business exactly 370 feet from the turn. OF COURSE I did not realize this at the time and kept driving. looking for the stupid ROAD the map said to turn onto!
Just as my bladder was past the EXPLODING point, and I decided to turn into Aldi's for a much hated public bathroom stop. cop behind me, no big deal.
Make turn head for bathroom, Oh crap!!!! The cop has his lights on and siren's for me to stop!! Holy crap what did I do?????????? I used my turn signal. Was that not a turn lane???? Surely it was ok, he did it, right??????? quick grab the directions and look at them, maybe he'll realize I am not native and give me a break for my stupidity.

"Hello Officer." Smile, blink blink bat bat bat, thank heavens my lashes are thick, long and lush thanks to my cover girl lash blast mascara I wore today.
"May I see your license and prooof of purchase please?" Crap where is that thing? Breath...breath......relax.......
"Is this it?
"Yes" He walked back to his car. Holy crap, now I'm going to get a ticket, and my husband will laugh his head off at the end of my perfect record.
"Your temporary tag looks like it has been altered, but the paper work says it is correct, the dealer must not have filled it out properly." Stupid dealer, you mean I almost had a heart attack AND almost pee'd my pants over your stupid mistake!!!!!!!! relax......calm down.......
"oh, ok, well in that case, can you help me find where I am going?" smile...bat bat blink blink
Oh well, at least he was nice, gave me directions, and my perfect record is still perfect.
What an adventure, I got to see all kinds of nice big City people, saw homeless people begging for money, ya dont see that in a small town. Maybe I can come back again sometime. I can do this.
Maybe not.

1 comment:

Lykins Zoo Keeper said...

To funny Nicole! Just be glad he didn't make you go to that's a big city. ;)